In My Head

I sat in a coffeeshop last week, sipping a tall cinnamon dulce latte. Across me sat a boy that I barely knew. We had been introduced ealier that week and instantly became friends. As such, when he came to my work a few hours prior, I accepted his invitation to coffee. We had pleasant conversation about music and movies and life in general. He then said to me, "You don't like to be vunerable." I was taken aback. 1) How could a boy I know virtually nothing about see through me so quickly, and 2) he was right.
I thought about this comment and still am. I don't let people into the essence of who I am. I hate to be seen as someone with holes. I hate thinking that I am not happy. I make people laugh when I am hurting. I don't know how to accept my failings and move on. I am not sure where I fit. I lie constantly about how I am. I feel more alone now than I ever have in my life. I never let anyone see me crying. I drive in a circle around Kirkland in order to hide from my pain. But as soon as I park, everything crashes in.
I don't want this anymore.